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i hate that everything we do has to focus around soccer riding or the boys. it doesnt matter that its my senior year as long as the boys have everything they need for soccer and riding. It doesnt matter that my birthdays in one week cuz my father is to busy worrying about my stupid brother adn how he cant just not fuck up in school. 11,000 dollars on a god damn dirt bike so they can “bond” well what about me?? dont i matter?? i try to make him proud i try to talk to him i sit there at the table and try to hold a conversation and he just ignores me and changes the subject or sends me to my room to cry because i guess im too disgusting to be in his presence. and i keep trying because i want him to love me like he loves my brother…but i know deep down i will knever be enough. im never enough. and maybee its my own insecurities but fuck how else am i supposed to feel with the shit i have to deal with on a day to day basis. i hate it here…i just want to leave and start my own life and leave everyone in the past. i wish i could just make myself happy but im never freaking happy and i dont know how to make it better…